bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
