lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
