Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
