I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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