Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
