dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
