The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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