this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
