If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
