he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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