are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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