So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
