I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
