She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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