Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
50% drunk capacity currently
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize