I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
