This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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