So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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