I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am mentally ready for anal.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
