Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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