I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
