I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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