Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Randomize
