In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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