I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
