So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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