i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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