I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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