My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize