They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
