I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need mimosas to revive my soul
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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