I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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