so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
