put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he fucked my hip out of place.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
