he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
