i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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