what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
