so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
