Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
