real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Please, let me fuck your mom
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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