either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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