it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
