i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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