I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
