Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
