her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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