i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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