Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
