lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
