I'm eating all of the evidence.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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