PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
