Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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