i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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