omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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