If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
