My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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