I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
