I can tuck mytits in my pants
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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