I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
