She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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