This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
