I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
