I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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