The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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