It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
