Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize