Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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