tell your sister to shave her snatch
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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