My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
