Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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