i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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