I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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