Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
