Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
