Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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