There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i think i have herpe
just one?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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