he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
