you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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