Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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