I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
