wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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