She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
