My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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