I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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