Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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