I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
