The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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