Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
