my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
