i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
