I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
