I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
