rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
