I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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