your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
