I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
