I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
